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Accepting Teshuvah-Preparing
for the High Holidays Though I thought otherwise at the time, the years have proven (to me, at least) that my sermons were not, for the most part, memorable. One, however, stood out for me then, as it does now - not because of its brilliance, but because of its ultimate poignancy in my own life. I was discussing the basic theme of the High Holidays: teshuvah-repentance. And I shared the fundamental understanding that we cannot set right our relationship with God until we have set right - or at least sincerely attempted to set right - the wrongs we have done to others. There can be no teshuvah between us and God until there is teshuvah between us and the people we have failed. I pointed out the concomitant responsibility of those of us being approached: to be prepared to offer sincere acceptance of the apologies of those who approach us. For reasons unclear to me at that exact time, I felt uncomfortable after giving that sermon. I did not sleep very well that night. And within a day or two, I realized why that was the case. Some months earlier, I had rebuffed the overtures of a friend of mine whose actions had had hurt me. She had tried to reach out to me several times, but I refused to respond. Preferring to wallow in my self-righteous anger, I chose to not, as I believed, let her off the hook. Once I realized what I had done, it was sobering: for the first time in my life, it was a literal case of "practice what you preach"! So I picked up the phone, took a deep breath, and called my friend. As soon as she heard my voice, I heard the emotion in hers. It was actually easier than I expected, for reasons that were obvious but unrecognized. At the time, I thought that it was simply because she, too, knew enough about teshuvah to know that it was her Jewish obligation to receive my apology. But in time, I realized that she did not have to know a thing about Judaism to respond as she did. All she had to do was care about our friendship, damaged as it was. And by caring, and receiving my apology to her, she made it possible for us to rebuild the friendship so precious to both of us. More than anything else, the period before the High Holidays calls upon us to begin the process of thinking about where we have been, and even more, who we have been. The most important work we can do is not simply making sure we have tickets for services (though that is important, too - more about that a little later), but making sure that we enter those services - and those days - with as clear a sense of our own righteousness (and not self-righteousness) as possible. Personally, I have come to making a list, usually beginning around the first of August, of people that come to mind with whom I have to do teshuvah. Some years the list is longer, and some years, blessedly, shorter. The process is not a linear one - though I like to think that I am a better person each year, I cannot determine that based on the number of people I need to address. The good news is that the vast majority of people I contact, most of whom know little or nothing about the concept of teshuvah, are gracious and even moved by the gesture. On a few rare occasions, I have run into a wall: someone who is disinterested in my reaching out or who insists that there is nothing to revisit, even if it is clear that they are choosing to avoid the issue. That is too bad, but at least I can then know that, according to Jewish tradition, as long as I have made an honest, sincere effort, I have done my part. And let me tell you: it sure makes the words of the prayers we say on the High Holidays come alive in ways that they never did for me before. Now, two important logistical matters: 1) Tickets - the reality of North American Jewish life is that synagogues are just not equipped to invite everyone who wishes to worship on the High Holidays to just come in and do so. There are just not enough seats in our synagogue buildings to accommodate everyone.But - most synagogues, in fact, the vast majority, do make service attendance possible by advance arrangement. Usually, that means purchasing tickets in advance, and the amount varies from congregation to congregation.
2) A good holiday meal - what would the holidays be without the right meal? Unfortunately, for many of us, there are no family who live close enough to share Rosh Hashanah dinner or lunch or Yom Kippur break-fast.
Wishing you a new year filled with health, sweetness, and blessing. If you are under 30 and not a member of a synagogue and would like to hear about Reform congregations in your area who would like to have you worship with them for the High Holidays, please contact the UAHC Department of Outreach and Synagogue Community. If you are older than 30 please feel free to email Naomi Yablonka, Assistant Director of Outreach and Synagogue Community.
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